


Bloodletting

by ChellaC



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Blood Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Graphic Description, Hurt/Comfort, It's Not Violent Just Contains A Mildly Graphic Description, M/M, Mild Gore, Movie Night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-02
Updated: 2014-12-02
Packaged: 2018-02-27 22:43:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2709386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChellaC/pseuds/ChellaC
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A movie creates an unexpected dilemma for Kaneki, and Hide's going to help him whether Kaneki wants him to or not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bloodletting

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Bahasa Indonesia available: [Bloodletting (bahasa vers)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3320309) by [Calico_Neko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calico_Neko/pseuds/Calico_Neko)



> I took a small break to write this because the idea wouldn't get out of my head and because I am slightly gross. It was meant to be more humorous, but that didn't quite work out. I hope you enjoy this ridiculous scenario.

                When Hide had said he’d bring a movie over, Kaneki hadn’t thought it would be the goriest film he’d ever seen.  True, he’d seen worse in real life, but that was far from a comfort when the scenes on screen kept reminding him of things he’d tried hard to forget.  Like the taste of flesh in his mouth.

                “Ooh,” Hide says, wincing.  “Man.  They really are showing everything.  How many fingers can this guy possibly have left?”  He glances at Kaneki, rethinking his choice of films.  They’d used to do this all the time, and ever since reconnecting, Kaneki had insisted that Hide act no differently.  Hence the mostly uneaten snacks strewn around them and his choice in horror film, which may have been a bit insensitive, as he’s now realizing. 

                He can’t read Kaneki’s face.  Not that he’s inexpressive- he’d never had a poker face, and this is no exception.  Hide just isn’t sure what the slightly squinted eyes and eyebrows that jump a little higher with each blood splatter mean.  He watches the way Kaneki pulls his bottom lip into his mouth, chewing it in a way that makes Hide vaguely uncomfortable.  He keeps shifting against the couch, squirming like he’s imagining the pain himself.  Which maybe he is.  Hide realizes he has no way knowing what experiences Kaneki has chosen not to share with him quite yet.

                “Ah, Kaneki, are you ok?” Hide asks, trying to be casual.

                “Hm?” Kaneki says, tearing his eyes from the screen with difficulty.  He looks sick in the dark room, the glare of the television glinting off his bright eyes which have a feverish glaze to them, pooling in the dark rings beneath them.  “I’m fine.  Why wouldn’t I be?”

                “Well,” Hide says, trying to choose his words carefully.  The last time he’d suggested they just go to Anteiku for coffee rather than going out to lunch like they usually did when they were both free, Kaneki’s eyes had welled up.  He’d said something dumb and heartbreaking like, _if I’m going to keep you from doing what you enjoy, maybe we shouldn’t hang out anymore._ It had taken Hide an hour to talk him down from that one.  In all the ways that mattered, he was still Kaneki.  Hide just had to watch out for the little things.  This seemed like one of them. 

                “Well,” he starts again.  “This one’s a little more violent than I expected.”

                Kaneki nods, only half paying attention.  He’s having a hard time keeping his eyes off the screen.  “It’s really bloody.  I thought you liked these kinds of things though?”

                “Yeah, sometimes,” Hide says.  The poor girl on screen has a kitchen knife in her gut.  “But I thought you didn’t?  I don’t mind turning it off.”

                Kaneki shakes his head.  He’s wrapped his arms around himself, watching the girl’s skin peel back to allow a gratuitous view of her insides.  Her intestines spill out like a monster’s accordion, steaming and slick.  Something yellowish and slimy bursts when it hits the ground.  The flesh around the wound is red and ragged, exposed, pulsing, vulnerable.  Kaneki forces himself to look away, to meet Hide’s eyes.

                “It’s your turn to pick,” Kaneki says.  The sound of a breaking bone snaps his gaze back to the television.  He cringes inside at the instinctual reaction.  Something uncoils in his stomach. 

                “Well yeah, but that doesn’t mean we have to watch it,” Hide says, unease growing.  What if he triggers some kind of emotional breakdown?  Damn, he really should’ve known better than showing this to Kaneki.  “Really, it’s a little intense for me.”  A lie.  He’s seen way worse.  A harmless lie.

                “You’ve seen worse,” Kaneki says.  The movie is superimposed over his memories.  He can see Touka, shoving a severed hand in his face.  The stump drips blood from its torn edge, and the smell, oh god the smell.  Like smelling everything good he’s ever eaten at his most starving moment.  Right in front of his face, he could reach out, he could have it.  He can feel saliva in his mouth, both in the memory and, to his horror, in the present.  He’d drooled like a starving dog being thrown a bone, and really, what was the difference? 

                Then the choice was taken from him.  The moment she’d put the meat to his lips all thoughts of self-restraint were gone, all questions of humanity as torn apart as the skin and muscle and blood now filling his mouth.  He’d never felt anything like it, never experienced a feeling that drowned out all else, narrowing his mind down to hunger, just hunger, making the very blood in his veins itch and ache with it. 

                “Kaneki?”

                Hide, Hide on the ground, bleeding.  Hide’s blood on the pavement, his heart beating just below a layer of skin and flesh.  Hide sitting next to him on the couch, breathing softly, eyes careful and concerned.

                “Yes?” Kaneki says, voice scratchy.  To his growing horror, he feels hunger pool in his gut.

                “I don’t want you to get mad, but I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have picked this movie,” Hide says.  “I know you want to act like nothing’s changed, but that doesn’t mean you need to sit through something that’s upsetting you.”

                “Upsetting me?” Kaneki repeats, dazed.  There’s something to eat here, isn’t there?  His body is telling him there is, but he can’t think of what it might be.  This is Hide’s place, not his.  Hide doesn’t keep anything Kaneki can eat lying around.  Hide.

                “Yeah, you look sort of sick,” Hide says, leaning closer.

                Kaneki recoils, fingers laced tightly.  He knows now, he’s found it, and although his body wants to bridge their distance, his self-disgust is enough to preserve the barrier of air between himself and Hide.  His stomach growls.

                He blanches, eyes widening, praying to whatever greater entity that has cursed his life that Hide will just let this slide.  Maybe he didn’t hear that.  Maybe Hide can’t see the feral hunger in his eye.  At least the patch is still on, because Kaneki is certain if it weren’t, Hide would know.

                Hide knows anyway.  He glances Kaneki up and down, realization dawning on his face as his mouth opens to form a soft ‘o’.

                Kaneki licks his lips, paralyzed, unable to look away from Hide’s epiphany.

                “I- oh.  You’re not scared?  This is making you hungry?”

                “Um.”  That’s enough to unglue Kaneki from his seat.  He bolts, launching off the couch and locking himself in the bathroom before Hide can say another word.

                “Kaneki?”  He can hear Hide call after him, hear his footsteps follow him.  He tries not to panic as he clutches the cool sink in his shaking hands, making himself look into the mirror.  He looks washed out and strained, skin pallid and eye dark, the pupil large.  He doesn’t dare look at the other one, darker still, and burning red like pulsing blood-

                “Kaneki, hey, are you ok?  Shit, um- can I help you?  Did I do something wrong?”

                “No,” Kaneki says, voice sounding strangled.  “I’m f-fine, Hide.  G-go away, please.”

                “Look Kaneki, I know you’re probably wishing you could die of embarrassment or whatever because that’s what you do sometimes, but really, it’s no big deal,” Hide says.  “I mean, it’s not like I watch the cooking channel when I haven’t eaten in a while, so it was pretty mean of me to have you watch that.  I just didn’t- well, I didn’t think of it, like, affecting you.  That way.”

                Kaneki groans, pressing his burning face against the cool glass.  “Stop talking, oh my gosh,” he says. 

                “Kaneki,” Hide whines, sighing loudly enough to be heard through the door.  His voice softens when he says, “Look, Ken.  I promise, I’m not really bothered or anything.  I mean, yeah, it’s a first for me, but I’m guessing it’s a first for you too, so it would be pretty self-centered if I tried to make this about me, wouldn’t it?  Can’t you let me just be here for you?  It’s no big deal.”

                “It is a big deal!” Kaneki says, feeling tears prick his eyes.  He rubs them harshly, angry that crying is his response to any sort of emotional turmoil.  He’s afraid Hide can hear it in his voice, in the slight hiccups now dotting his speech.  “I’m sorry Hide, I’m- I’m awful, I think I’ll just leave.  Just go in your room or something and I’ll be gone before you have to see me again.”

                “Oh, come on!  This isn’t even your fault, don’t be so dramatic!  Are you crying in there?  Kaneki, if you’re crying, I swear to god I’m going to have to- use force.”

                “Force?” Kaneki says, sniffling.

                “Yes.  Force to break in and exercise my right as designated best friend to make you stop.”

                “You could have better friends!” Kaneki wails.  He wants to stop crying, walk out and act like it’s nothing, sit beside Hide and punch the hunger in his gut back down.   The sheer absurdity of it all hits him.  If this were a book, he’d laugh.  But it’s not, it’s his life, and that’s the fact that has him sobbing instead.

                “Now you’re just being ridiculous!  Stop throwing a pity-party without me!”

                “I don’t know what to do,” Kaneki says.  He hadn’t known he was going to say it, but there it is.

                Hide is silent for a moment.  “Then please let me help you.  Come out here, and I’ll walk with you back to your place.  You drank all my freaking coffee, but you have something you can eat there, right?  Come on, it’ll only take a few minutes.”

                Kaneki hiccups.  It hurts his chest.  He nods, realizes Hide can’t see him, then forces himself to unlock the door.

                Hide immediately pulls him into an embrace.  Kaneki gasps, going limp before tensing up and trying to push away.

                “Fine, now you owe me a hug,” Hide says.  “Come on, we’ll hurry, then we can watch something nice and clean and romantic.”

                Kaneki lets himself be led out the door, stuffing his hands in his pockets once they’re out.  Hide keeps a hand loosely wrapped around Kaneki’s arm.  His proximity is both comforting and disconcerting.

                The streets are crowded.  People bump into them as they jostle for space on the sidewalks.  Kaneki’s breathing becomes erratic and he keeps his head down, grateful to Hide for guiding him along.

                A boy, slightly older than them, bumps into Kaneki, nearly sending him falling.

                “I’m sorry,” he says, reaching for Kaneki’s hand to balance him.  His skin is warm, pulsing with blood, candy in a thin wrapper.

                Kaneki startles, hurrying forwards, dragging Hide behind him.  He’s sick with the hunger now, knowing that there are a hundred ways to make it stop all around him that he could have any second, any time.  His own wants repulse him, and never has he felt dirtier.  He whines, a noise he can’t help sneaking from the back of his throat.  Kaneki screw his eyes shut, standing still.

                “You’re nearly hyperventilating,” Hide whispers.  “You’re not gonna make it, are you?”

                Kaneki chokes on a sob he tries to catch, forcing a few more steps.  He’s pulled in all directions, feeling as though he’s drawn so thin he’ll snap from all the smells dragging him towards them.

                Hide pulls him into an alley, back into the darkness where no one can see.  He pushes Kaneki against the wall.  His breathing is heavy.

                “Ok, Kaneki.  Don’t argue with me right now.  This is my fault, I should’ve known better than to make you come out here, so let me take responsibility and help you out.  You don’t wanna hurt anybody, and I don’t want that either, so take care of this now before that happens.”

                “What?” Kaneki croaks, staring at Hide’s jugular.

                “Maybe don’t go for that,” Hide says, catching Kaneki’s gaze lingering on the pulsing vein.  He takes one of Kaneki’s shaking hands and guides it to where his shoulder melds with his neck.  “It’s not you, Kaneki, I know that, ok?  It’s alright, go for it, I can take it.”

                “Huh?” Kaneki says, leaning against Hide, laying his cheek against the fabric of his shirt.  His skin is warm, very warm. 

                “Yeah, there you go, come on,” Hide says, psyching himself up.  “You can just- just take a little, right?  Just mostly blood?  Will that be enough?”

                “Enough?” Kaneki says, breath ghosting across Hide’s skin.  They both shiver.  Kaneki’s fingers come up to push the fabric aside, trace lines across the exposed flesh.  “You- you want me to…Hide?  No!”

                Kaneki tries to push back, he really does, but ends up taking a fistful of Hide’s shirt and dragging them closer.

                “Don’t make this a big deal,” Hide says.  “It’s fine.  I don’t mind.  I know you, Ken, I know you would never hurt me.”

                “Then how can you ask this?” Kaneki says, staring at the glistening tear falling from his eye to land on Hide’s skin.

                “That’s the reason I can,” Hide says.  He pushes himself closer.  “Do it.”

                Kaneki whines, pressing his mouth against Hide’s flesh.  He sucks at the skin, torturing himself by refusing the urge to open his jaws, clamp them down, tear- no.  Not tear, not eat, not kill.  Very careful. 

                He nips at the skin, eliciting sharp little breaths from Hide. 

                “Are you sure?” he asks, nearly panting.

                “Yes,” Hide says.  “Hurry up.”

                He draws blood to the surface with as little a bite as he can manage, not enough to rip flesh, just to pierce the skin and make the blood flow out and into his mouth.  He groans, lapping up the blood, all thoughts of dignity gone, thrown out somewhere in the street behind them to get trampled on by oblivious passerby. 

                The warmth of it fills his throat, going down like silk.  He forces himself to drink slowly, not to push Hide down like a rabid animal, but he cannot bring himself to stop.  He takes deep breaths in contrast with the gasps fluttering from Hide’s lips.

                He feels Hide lean his head down, press his lips against Kaneki’s temple.  That draws a moan from Kaneki’s red lips, the way he can feel the blood pulsing in every inch of Hide’s skin pressed against his, and he screws his eyes shut to block the horror from his eyes. 

                “Kaneki,” Hide gasps.  “Ken, I trust you, I trust you.”

                Kaneki peels his mouth off Hide’s skin, pulling down his sleeve and pressing it against the wound to stop the slow trickle of blood.  He heaves breathes against Hide’s chest, feeling drowsy and sated and distantly ashamed.

                Hide wraps his arms around him, rubbing circles in Kaneki’s back.  “Shh,” he says.  “It’s ok.  See?  I’m ok.  Sort of dizzy, but that’s alright, we’re both fine.”

                “I’m so sorry,” Kaneki says, whispering.

                “It’s ok,” Hide says.  “I promise, it’s ok.”  He takes his own sleeve and brings it to Kaneki’s face, doing his best to clean his lips of any remnants of his meal.  He doesn’t allow himself to contemplate how it is he ended up in a dark alley, wiping his own blood from Kaneki’s lips.  His blood in Kaneki’s throat, his stomach, his blood keeping Kaneki alive and safe.  Yes, that’s what he does.  Now more than ever, the pain of the small wound on his shoulder is a small price for keeping Kaneki’s beaten and blackened humanity close to his heart.

                Hide manages to lead Kaneki back to his apartment.  He turns the television off and pushes Kaneki gently towards the bathroom, where he spends five minutes brushing his teeth and uses nearly an entire container of mouthwash, crying into the sink.  Hide lets him clean his wound, gently place the gauze over it.  He does something strange, then, leaning over to press the softest kiss against the skin right above the bite.  He trembles.  Hide doesn’t say anything.  He guides Kaneki to the bed, where he pulls the covers over them both. 

                “I’m sorry,” Kaneki whispers, already half-asleep. 

                “I said it’s ok,” Hide says.  “You’re ok, Kaneki.  We both are.”

                “How can you even sleep in the same room as me?” Kaneki says.  His back is to Hide.

                “You’re not a monster, Kaneki.  You’re my friend.”  Hide stopped caring long ago if what he wanted to say to calm Kaneki down sounded stupid or not.  He’d spent too long not being able to talk to him at all, so he’d damn well make sure Kaneki knows how he feels.

                “I think I might be both,” Kaneki murmurs.  His eyes are shut against the darkness of the room.

                “That’s fine,” Hide says.  “We’re doing the best we can.”

                Kaneki isn’t awake enough to decide if that was a strange response or not.  He lets himself fall asleep to the feeling of Hide’s fingers brushing his back, reaching as close as he dares across the bed.

               


End file.
